Although I haven't quite embarked on the adventure of parenthood, after five years of being a professional academic, I had a revelation recently that the adage "It takes one to know one" can have the reverse meaning of what most people assume. More specifically, I am grateful that my years in the education field have tempered what unhealthy obsession I may have had with academic elitism.
Why would "doing the best for my children" (as "tiger mothers" and other such types justify their sometimes-cruel and irrational priority on "academic excellence"--read: perfection) be a problem?
1) I am of East Asian heritage (it's nurture, not nature, so please don't believe that I am trying to be racist)
2) I earned all of my university degrees at an elite institution
3) I am supposed to advise and foster new intellectuals
But really, when all is said and done, I oppose the unrelenting pressure that my students here in HK face, what their peers in Singapore and South Korea (among other places) must contend with, and the international trend towards what I deem to be hyper-drive education. Not only must everything be done faster (Advanced Placement examinations in the US being taken in middle or early high school rather than the junior and senior years, as one example) but must also be done in a highly structured and self-centered manner (curriculum vitae for kindergarteners here, if one wishes to enter an elite primary school). I imagine that education, which is already sapped of intellectual "nutritional value" in many countries, is becoming less and less appealing for learners (so no wonder that youth prefer to indulge in social media during class-time and tune out lectures/discussions/activities). I am also concerned that parents have reached a new apex of conditional love -- "I only love you if you're number one in your class" (something Asian-American students hear all the time -- which is frightening when you think about how acceptable it is to think and express verbally)
So, while I am not insisting that all Asians/Asian-Americans/graduates of elite schools are the same (far from it, I do not like absolute statements or archetypes), I *personally* feel very strongly about steering my children towards a more balanced existence that is also more realistic -- "develop your strengths, learn to ameliorate or live with your weaknesses" rather than expecting them to be super-people. I am especially against the "tiger mother mantra" that seems to guarantee success, because from personal experience, I know it does. Being disciplined harshly delivers results but also leaves physical and mental pain that is both chronic and life-disturbing. Perhaps some parents do not care that their children will be left to deal with those scars because the achievements will be obvious (public) and the trauma is private. However, being "mother" to many students whose lives have been marred by the sole concentration on academic elitism, counseling several who would be much happier *not* attending university, and being a survivor of a parental regime that staked everything on being academically outstanding, all the time, no exceptions, I want my daughter to know that academic achievement is a modest fraction of a much larger pie. She should not look down on those who are less successful by academic metrics nor should she worship or be jealous of those who are far more able.
Why would "doing the best for my children" (as "tiger mothers" and other such types justify their sometimes-cruel and irrational priority on "academic excellence"--read: perfection) be a problem?
1) I am of East Asian heritage (it's nurture, not nature, so please don't believe that I am trying to be racist)
2) I earned all of my university degrees at an elite institution
3) I am supposed to advise and foster new intellectuals
But really, when all is said and done, I oppose the unrelenting pressure that my students here in HK face, what their peers in Singapore and South Korea (among other places) must contend with, and the international trend towards what I deem to be hyper-drive education. Not only must everything be done faster (Advanced Placement examinations in the US being taken in middle or early high school rather than the junior and senior years, as one example) but must also be done in a highly structured and self-centered manner (curriculum vitae for kindergarteners here, if one wishes to enter an elite primary school). I imagine that education, which is already sapped of intellectual "nutritional value" in many countries, is becoming less and less appealing for learners (so no wonder that youth prefer to indulge in social media during class-time and tune out lectures/discussions/activities). I am also concerned that parents have reached a new apex of conditional love -- "I only love you if you're number one in your class" (something Asian-American students hear all the time -- which is frightening when you think about how acceptable it is to think and express verbally)
So, while I am not insisting that all Asians/Asian-Americans/graduates of elite schools are the same (far from it, I do not like absolute statements or archetypes), I *personally* feel very strongly about steering my children towards a more balanced existence that is also more realistic -- "develop your strengths, learn to ameliorate or live with your weaknesses" rather than expecting them to be super-people. I am especially against the "tiger mother mantra" that seems to guarantee success, because from personal experience, I know it does. Being disciplined harshly delivers results but also leaves physical and mental pain that is both chronic and life-disturbing. Perhaps some parents do not care that their children will be left to deal with those scars because the achievements will be obvious (public) and the trauma is private. However, being "mother" to many students whose lives have been marred by the sole concentration on academic elitism, counseling several who would be much happier *not* attending university, and being a survivor of a parental regime that staked everything on being academically outstanding, all the time, no exceptions, I want my daughter to know that academic achievement is a modest fraction of a much larger pie. She should not look down on those who are less successful by academic metrics nor should she worship or be jealous of those who are far more able.
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